What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be
pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO
shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is
your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom
because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of
which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add
character. Wedding dress $5,000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at
your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered
belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle
your feet.
One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one
suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the
slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or
she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more
than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are
unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays
its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all
your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one
pair of shoes one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter
how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. You can do
Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
Kodiak's Blog
